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sixweeksinparis.wordpress.com

Nearly

As of yester, Paris is all paid for (besides the plane ticket and fabulous clothes). I've been busier than ever and am completely behind in my classes, I've been working far too much. I began applying for other jobs, my bosses unprofessionalism has pushed me too far and I'm praying I'll be able to find something else. I feel so busy, and I've also been feeling ill. I tested anemic and my appetite is GONE. I've lost several pounds, I'm hoping to attribute it to stress. Only another week.

Dad got word that we're not moving. He was offered a job where he would work from home and travel around the country every other week. Down side: He'll be gone every other week. Upside: Frequent flyer miles!

My friendships, this blog, everything has fallen to the wayside because of school and work. I graduate on the 11th of June, so the end is in sight. All the work I have left seems to be insurmountable. I don't know how much of my life with actually change after graduation, with trip preparation and a busy summer work schedule. I don't feel very excited for being done, I think just because I'm so burned out and it doesn't feel real yet.

I have been off of my antidepressants for a couple weeks now. I seem to be doing very much the same as before, except that when I wake up in the morning I don't feel hung-over. I don't cry more often that I did before, but I cry harder now and my emotions are slightly more intense.

With my sister killing herself, school ending, jobs changing, planning for Paris, the children, etc. it probably wasn't the best time for my meds to end, but there never is a good time. So far I'm happy with my decision. I've been well, but I'm going to give myself and my body time to adjust before I jump to any major conclusions.

Dream, dream, dream

I had a bizarre dream last night. It was, of course, in France. I was on a train to the 7eme arr. which was, for some reason, never quite able to make it there. We weren't facing the front of the train, all of us were sitting as if we were in a movie theater, facing the left side of the train and watching the city fly by. When we exited the train, on the left side, we were on a black stage in the middle of a cement patio and had to go down some stairs. I crossed underneath the train tracks, to an old fashioned hospital (or so I thought). It was missing the walls along one side, so each room was open to the street. I watched nurses tending to their patients, when (like Alice in Wonderland) someone handed me a chart and I was swept up into the action. It turns out that it was all an elaborate prank against one evil man. The rest of the dream is fuzzy, but I remember sharing a hotel room with several friends in the city.

I'm trying to saturate my life with the French language and I have been listening to France 24 nonstop on the computer; supposedly this is supposed to help you grasp the language a little bit more. I am also still studying on Busuu, and hopefully I will at least be able to survive in Tournan. On that note, God bless google maps! I was looking up the local tabacs so I knew where to buy a Navigo, and discovered that the street view was INCREDIBLY accurate. I "walked" all around Tournan and even found my soon-to-be school!

It is sort of a scary feeling when your dreams start coming true.

But, the much stronger feeling is joy! I'm going somewhere so unknown, and who knows what I will live through. All I can say is bonne chance, moi!


If I find a talking candle-stick while I'm there, I will die of satisfaction.

Always on my mind

I dreamed about France all night. I'm typing while being surrounded by a two miniature Eiffel Towers, French posters, and a French calendar. I'm going. I'm seriously going.
It's all such an unknown, but...

What I Know:
-A little bottle of grandma's ashes will be crossing the Atlantic with me and make it to the place she never got to
-It will be nothing like I expected
-I will never be prepared enough, and that's okay
-I'm getting very good at calculating what time it is in France right now (six heur et sept, thank you very much)
-I can say the basics (greetings, questions, directions, numbers, etc)

My Fears (some irrational, some not):
-My French sucks. Can I even say I have French? What am I going to DO!?! What if I feel like I'm having a heart attack and all I can say is "Ou est le medecin, j'ai mal, m'aidez!" Is that even right!?!?! MON DIEU!
-It will be so intense that I completely waste my time there, and then I never find a job and it was worthless and I'll never see anything because I'll be so busy
-What if I die in a plane crash!?
-What if I get pick-pocketed? Stabbed? Raped? Kidnapped? Mugged?
-Will I miss my family too much to function!?

My Hopes:
-It will be more than I ever dreamed
-I WILL be able to make it through school, with enough time to have a little fun!
-My roommates and I will be amicable, maybe become friends
-I will be safe and sound and maybe... possibly... someday... find a little job?
-That I will survive


I wish I believed in God so that I could pray, but who says a God has to listen for you to be allowed to pray? Either way, I'll be wearing my Saint Christopher pin on the plane.
Am I seriously talking about going to France as a concrete, future event? What the HELL. AAAAHHHHH!

Also, I know that I'm hopelessly addicted to this song, for no particular reason.


The other night, my friend got dumped and came over. He brought along a mutual friend, named Alex, who is kind and harmless. I texted Taylor before hand, and when he called me later he FLIPPED out, so...
I haven't talked to Taylor in days. Due to some good advice, I didn't let him manipulate my boundaries, and no matter how much sends me guilt trip text messages ("I don't know why you're not talking to me, it's killing me, i'm sorry. I can't believe you're doing this while i'm in another state working for you") I am NOT answering! Because I don't want to talk to him and don't have to, dammit! :] He can think about what he did (saying horrible things about someone he has never met over the phone when they could hear, telling me to shut up and claiming that I don't care about him, getting angry for no reason, etc.).
The way he behaved was unacceptable so I'm not accepting it! Or consoling him. All that I did was invite one friend over, and when he brought someone along we went to the grocery store and then they left. That's it. How dare I be a faithful girlfriend who let her loved one know what was happening beforehand, right?
He's going to get over the jealousy or I won't hesitate to leave him. I need a life. He has ruined almost every time I've ever socialized out of jealousy, and I'm not putting up with it anymore. I thought he had gotten over it but he hadn't, and this is the end of the line. The green monster goes, or I do.

Today I installed a basket on my bike by myself! I am woman, hear me roar. I took it for its maiden voyage and had a great day at work. Tonight, the kids were lovey-dovey and we gave Damian a haircut. All in all, things are NOT half bad!



I have the best parents in the world. They're also the best Memaw and Doodah in the world!


They make life worth living



And they make me belly-laugh.

I'm on my way

I applied to the school on Friday and got accepted on Saturday!
City of Lights, here I come! I can't believe it.

I'm in shock, excited, and scared all at once.

At least I still have the entire summer to process this/prepare for it.

My baby!

Basket coming soon!

And my other baby!

Who will hopefully be arriving soon too! Business trips are not very fun.

Looking up

Damian's birthday party on Saturday was a smash hit. Mom AND dad both showed up for the little guy, along with 20-30 other people! There were way more visitors than expected, so it was standing room only at our table at Chuck E Cheese. He had a blast and felt super special, which is what we were all hoping for. I worked the weekend, volunteered today, and have an honor society meeting tonight.
I finally caved and bought a bicycle, I've been wanting one for so long and I found the perfect bike at Target! But, it didn't fit in my car, and when I asked them to hold it for me until my dad could drive the truck down, they said that my only option was to return it! Hopefully it will still be there tonight.
Taylor called me the day after our fight and said that he was sorry he had felt so insecure. We talked in more level terms and tried so see where the other was coming from. I told him I was also worried that he might one day regret proposing this soon. If in a year or two he's more stable financially, I don't want him to think of all the ways he could have made it more special if he had been more patient. He agreed, and said, "I thought about it a lot last night and I know that you only want this to happen once. I can understand you wanting to make it perfect and I agree, I know you're right. I was just so excited, I still can't wait but it's better this way." We also talked about him working next weekend. If he does, he won't have time to come home before driving to the next state over to work, so we wouldn't see each other for another week (two weeks total). The next morning, he decided to work it, and found out that this event will be twice as long (therefore, twice the pay). It all worked out for the best. I didn't sleep much last night, but I'm going to nap now before my commute to Seattle. Things are looking up.